super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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