she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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