And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
