I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
