I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We're too hungover to prance.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
