i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
