an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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