so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
