I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
