I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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