"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
