I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I want you more than these girls want KFC
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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