pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I skipped work to stalk him.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
