Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
