the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
