he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
