Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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