Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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