just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had to cum in my sink.
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