"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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