So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
