True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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