I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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