That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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