Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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