we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
