final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
