Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
