we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
