And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's blow job season.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
