Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.