i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
