i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?