and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
