Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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