just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
