I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
