apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I need moral support for this bender
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So I just went to clothing optional bar
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
