Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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