I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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