There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
