I'm jealous of your bromance
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
