fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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