fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
