Im at strip club and am horny
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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