So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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