I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Randomize
