I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
