How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
