imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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