Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
