Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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