Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
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