you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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