he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize