Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
