i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
