for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
