I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
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