Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
