just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
