If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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