Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
