well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wish my penis had a tongue
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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