well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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