if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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