mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
