i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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