I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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