There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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