dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
