My first STD was from a foam party
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
