i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
