you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
