Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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