At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
