Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
